Crystal On The Internet

May 27

[video]

May 25

“I wonder what Bill Maher’s IQ is. CRYSTAL. GOOGLE THAT SHIT.” — you-know-who, doing you-know-what

“I’m a keyboarder! I’m usually keyboarding!!!!” — Mom, ranting about coworkers of hers.

May 24

nickholmes: This chair is Batman.  Your argument is invalid. 

nickholmes:

This chair is Batman.  Your argument is invalid. 

animalstalkinginallcaps: HELLO? PETERS- HELLO? HELLO! PETERSON? PETERSON, ARE YOU STILL THERE? HELLO? I’M SORRY. I DON’T KNOW HOW THIS ‘JAWBONE’ THING WORKS. HELL, IF WE’RE BEING HONEST I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT BLUETOOTH IS, BUT THE GIRL IN THE COMMERCIAL WAS SUPER CUTE SO I PUT IT ON THE EXPENSE ACCOUNT. DON’T PUT THAT IN THE REPORT. DON’T PUT ANYTHING IN THE REPORT. I’M COMING INTO THE OFFICE, I’LL WRITE IT MYSELF.  ARE YOU STILL THERE?   PETERSON, SAY SOMETHING IF YOU CAN HEAR ME. PETERSON? HELLO!

animalstalkinginallcaps:

HELLO? PETERS- HELLO? HELLO! PETERSON?

PETERSON, ARE YOU STILL THERE? HELLO?

I’M SORRY. I DON’T KNOW HOW THIS ‘JAWBONE’ THING WORKS. HELL, IF WE’RE BEING HONEST I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT BLUETOOTH IS, BUT THE GIRL IN THE COMMERCIAL WAS SUPER CUTE SO I PUT IT ON THE EXPENSE ACCOUNT. DON’T PUT THAT IN THE REPORT. DON’T PUT ANYTHING IN THE REPORT. I’M COMING INTO THE OFFICE, I’LL WRITE IT MYSELF. 

ARE YOU STILL THERE?  

PETERSON, SAY SOMETHING IF YOU CAN HEAR ME.

PETERSON?

HELLO!

David Does Math Problems

May 23

Things I’ll never do again:

Why

[video]

May 22

Meanwhile

Duke’s been on the couch sleeping and ignoring me.